Where to Go - DOs and DON'Ts

One of the number one problems lately is that people who are trying to escape zombies don't know where to go.
DON'T hide in a falling-to-pieces, rotting, wooden, old shack. The zombies will claw at the walls and punch holes through the roof. If it has a back door, you will most likely escape, but who makes a back door in a shack?
DON'T get on an airplane. You'll think "oh, I'll just fly to Hawaii and then I'll be fine", but this is WRONG! You will be sitting innocently (albeit nervously) on the plane, perhaps ordering a drink or flipping through a magazine or staring into space when a THUMP! will be heard overhead. THUMP! SCRAPE! All the passengers are freaking out: what's going on!? Your heart is racing a mile a minute when CRASH! a moldy, decomposing, bloody, boney hand will break through the airplane window across the isle, sucking the passenger out into the sky. Zombies will clamber in through the hole as the plane quickly zooms down towards the sea below, black smoke spurting out of the back. You might manage to get safely out of the plane, but it's unlikely. You'll probably get eaten.
DON'T get in a canoe/rowboat/motor boat and go out into the middle of the lake. You'll be rowing/steering/taking deep breaths when you're boat will be hit by a BUMP! and will start shaking slightly. You'll look nervously around, telling yourself stupid excuses like "it's just a reef" (yeah, in the middle of the bloody lake!)when a skin-less hand, the flesh slimy from being under water, grabs onto the side of your boat. A face, blood-thirst in it's sunken eyes, will follow the hand. You look around you. Zombies are coming at you from all directions, climbing up onto your boat and grabbing at your ankles. There's no way you'll survive. You're dead, mate.
DO go to the annual 'Fire Fest!' where there will be a HUGE bonfire, fire-jugglers, fire-eaters, a fire-dance, and cake! You'll be standing around eating cake from a paper plate, looking anxiously around. You'll finally tell yourself that the zombies AREN'T COMING and you can just relax. You watch the fire-juggler juggle fire (OooOooohh! AaaAhhH!). You've finally gotten into the mood when over the side of the hill, the zombies approach. Your back is to them, and you don't notice them until you hear a shrill scream from behind you! You whip around and see the zombies making their way towards the party, ripping off tree limbs and swinging them menacingly. People are running in all directions, screaming loudly. The world is a blur. You join in the running, but the zombies are steadily getting closer. One, dragging itself across the ground on its stomach, grabs your ankle, sending you to the ground with a thud. It's teeth sink into your skin and you scream in agony as it drags you closer to it. The roaring bonfire in front of you is giving a mesmerizing, magical side to your death. Then you realize. Although the searing pain in your leg makes it hard to do anything, you grab the zombie's head and pull as hard as you can. It rips off and you throw it into the fire. The body is still moving, grabbing desperately for you as you back away crab-walk-style. The other zombies are moving in on you, they're inches away! You make a run for it, quickly running around the bonfire. The zombies, aiming to pounce on you, pounce instead on the fire. You don't kill them all, but certainly some are out of your way.
DO follow around the guy who seems to be succeeding a lot ever since the zombies first came round, especially if you're a good-looking girl. It's most likely he'll end up defeating the zombies and end it all with a large smoocheroo with you. MWA! You'll stay alive. ...unless, of course, you're killed by the zombies in an epic battle and Mr. Succeed is all upset and ends up either also getting eaten by the zombies, or ends up killing himself.
So there you have it, if the zombies are hungry for your brains, now you know where to go.